Dear Conservative Brethren, We have had yet another breach in security. I take full blame for it; I will no longer be clicking on Internet ads claiming to give away free boner pills. As an added precaution, I downloaded an anti-virus program which I found on the Internet. So rest assured, only God’s chosen warriors [...]
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Must Love Sweater Vests: Primary Season Craigslist Ads
By Cody Bromley and Kevin Dodd — DIVORCED SEEKING SAME Older silver fox seeks open minded lady for open relationship or NSA fun. Come gaze at the stars with me! Important: Must be in good health!!! Call me soon. 281-PEA-CHES — 77 COUNTIES TO LOVE Single red state seeking social-conservative for [...]
The Bigfoot Effect
They’re out there, lurking in the shadows. Outside a recent Santorum rally, a possible sighting only bolsters the Republican belief. They lie dormant, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Once awakened, they are unstoppable. They are the Ultra-Conservatives. They are elusive creatures, so counting their numbers is almost impossible. They don’t often appear in [...]
Oklahomans Like It Frothy
Photo art by Honest John. Photo courtesy of soadhead.com Super Tuesday has come and gone, and Oklahomans have finally gotten to weigh in on who they want to be the GOP nominee. By virtue of you reading this article, I would assume you have internet access and probably have already heard who won. On the [...]
G.O.P. Profiles
If you’re planning on voting on March 6th in the GOP primary, it might be nice to know a little about each candidate. Here’s a quick overview of the four men seeking the Republican nomination. Mitt Romney: Former Massachusetts Governor, former head of Bain Capital. Mitt has maintained his front-runner status for the majority of [...]
Memo to Conservatives Re: Economic Policy Talking Points
Dear Fellow Conservatives, It has come to my attention that our last memo regarding abortion reached the hands of the no-good liberals, who in turn gave it to the liberal media. It seems an Internet ad claiming I would receive a free TV by virtue of me being the one-millionth visitor was not legitimate. The [...]
Floyd Mayweather: Super-Villain
For all the fans of boxing, Mayweather v. Pacquaio is the fight they have been dreaming about. Long gone are the days of the charismatic heavyweights who carried this sport on their broad shoulders; long gone are the super-fighters of Ali, Frazier, Liston, or even Tyson. The influx of Eastern European champions has caused American [...]
A Modest 21st Century Proposal
A Stolen Conservative Memo on How to Crush Abortion Dear Conservative lawmakers, At any given time, there are millions of pregnant women in the state of Oklahoma who harbor an internal malice towards their unborn children. Without our intervention, these children will be at the mercy of women who would terminate their lives without [...]
Party Hardy With The Republican Party: A Primary Season Glossary
Super Tuesday is coming up, and Oklahomans will once again flock to the polls. By Oklahomans, I mean the very few who will actually be voting. It can safely be assumed that Barack Obama will be the Democratic Party’s nominee this time around, which means that the Super Tuesday primary is being held for the [...]
