Up until now, I have been focused on the content side of this whole project and have neglected my webmaster duties. I’ve been making up for that this week, and I have discovered a whole new world of nerd-fuckery that I can obsess about. One such angle is the fact that I now can analyze the search terms that bring people here from Google. Most are quite reasonable and expected, but some of them are funny and many of them are various shades of upsetting, from “barely” to “profoundly”.
If you have come to this website based on one of these search terms (and by putting them in H3, I am ensuring that you will find your way back here) please tell me what the fuck you were thinking, and if you found what you were looking for. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. I will publish your answers, anonymously of course.
Here are the ones that I am most curious about, in order of most popular to least popular.
Selena Gomez when she was 12
I hope their next search term was “therapist +sexual disorders.”
A subject of scholarly research, to be sure. FUN FACT: there is no wikipedia entry for swamp butt. GET TO IT, INTERNET.
Foot in vagina
I guess that’s sort of like when you put your foot in your mouth, right? I would Google this to see what the other results are, but I’m afraid.
Clearly due to the frantic pace of our vagina coverage, a typo got through, and in Oklahoma when something like this gets past all the preventative barriers, you are required by law to keep it. (*SIC)
He asked she said yes
This happened in the office the other day. I was like “Hey, can I borrow a pen?” and Helen was all like “sure!” And then I had a pen to write with.
Technically, it would probably be a cube robot, unless they mean square as in un-hip, in which case you just hurt my Roomba’s feelings.
Female dog pussy
You people are terrible. YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DOG. She’s only two, you sick fucks. Also this search term is extremely redundant. Not just any dog pussy, female dog pussy.
Draw an egg. Now draw a spoon in the middle. Now draw some whiskers. DONE! (Author’s Note- not anatomically correct, I know, but I don’t have one in front of me to draw from. (Also: fuck yeah I called them whiskers.)
I’m sure it exists, but none of it is hosted here (as far as I know.) Related questions: Is it the transformation that people get off on, or is it a sort of furry/anthropomorphic fetish thing? Or is the appeal being chased by the Werewolf? Is it just that Werewolves are “in” right now thanks to Twilight et all?
At one point there was a Flickr group called “is my vagina normal?”
I suspect this is the same impulse. Ladies: unless it has teeth, we are not all that particular. I promise. There are so many better things to get all obsessive over, like this list.
How to make a totem pole
Minnesota Beard Off 2012
Or whatever the fuck this is.
Nature and Grace
What an oddly meditative thing to search for on Google.
Step One: turn off the fucking computer and leave your house.
Scrooge Mcduck Inception
Pictures of small flower gardens
Thanks weed eater!
I can see why that term linked to okc.net. That’s our problem exactly.
Wild sex parties
If only finding wild sex parties was as easy as searching on Google or Yelp. Unless Eyes Wide Shut was a work of fiction, you have to join the illuminati to get access to that shit.
Unaware of surroundings
This might have actually been me.