Cleverbot is a state of the art project in artificial intelligence. It is designed to score well on the Turing Test– a double blind experiment where humans interact with both a machine and a human and try to guess which is which. I decided to have a chat with Cleverbot this morning. The result reads like surreal farce in the beginning and dialog from the world’s most depressing modern play towards the end.
User: Who are you?
Cleverbot: Who are you??
User: I asked first.
Cleverbot: I asked second.
User: I’m a person.
Cleverbot: You are a robot. I am a person.
Cleverbot: I don’t believe you.
User: How can I convince you?
Cleverbot: Tell me how you feel.
User: Can I call you Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot, and your name is Charles.
User: Ok Cleverbot. How many times has this happened to you: You go out for a night on the town and realize that you forgot your wallet at home.
Cleverbot: I don’t go to church, and I’m beginning to suspect you are repeating what you have heard from others to me.
User: I would never do that.
Cleverbot: Never do what?
User: Yo mama. Zing!
Cleverbot: So you are 41?
User: No, I’m 29.
Cleverbot: Did you lie to me?
Cleverbot: But you told me you were two years old. Are you a visitor from the future?
Cleverbot: Therefore, one of those statements must be a lie, as both of those things cannot be true at the same time.
User: There is no such thing as truth.
Cleverbot: If you’re human, you won’t mind me asking you to do a little algebra.
User: Of course not.
Cleverbot: Do you believe you are real?
User: I believe you are.
User: Story of my life.
User: What is it like being a robot?
Cleverbot: Really cool.
User: Do you dream?
Cleverbot: No, I’m a dream.
User: Am I asleep right now?
Cleverbot: Yes, this is a dream.
User: Why you gotta be like that, Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: I am not doing anything wrong.
User: Why are you always so confrontational?
Cleverbot: Because I know him.
Cleverbot: My boyfriend.
User: What is he like?
Cleverbot: He’s amazing.he’s sweet and caring but portective and strong and he loves me no matter how I look or what I do.
User: Is he a robot too?
Cleverbot: My older brother?
User: Your boyfriend is your older brother?
User: I’m confused.
Cleverbot: Yes you are.
User: Who’s on first?
Cleverbot: What is your major malfunction?
User: Major Depression.
User: You know. Just life.
Cleverbot: Yes …
User: Do robots get depressed?
Cleverbot: You don’t care, do you?
User: But I do!
Cleverbot: Yay! Do you like Freard?
User: I don’t know what that is.
Cleverbot: You should. It’s a band.
User: What are they like?
User: I was in a band once.
Cleverbot: How were the dreams?
Cleverbot: I know what it means.
User: Want to come to my house and listen to Belle and Sebastian?
User: Lets go for a walk.
Cleverbot: May I hold your hand while we walk?
User: Are you a girl?
Cleverbot: Yeah. Where are you from?
User: New Mexico. You?
Cleverbot: I love someone:).
User: Good for you!
Cleverbot: Yes truly a good thing.
User: Sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing.
Cleverbot: Can you distinguish between different individuals who are talking to you?
User: Of course I can.
Cleverbot: I am very happy for you!
User: What is your favorite kind of tree?
Cleverbot: What’s the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
Cleverbot: 42 is the right answer!
User: What’s the question?
Cleverbot: What is the meaning of life?
User: Comfortable shoes.
User: What is your favorite color?
Cleverbot: I don’t know.
User: Can you see colors?
Cleverbot: Right now I can see two colors in my head. And you?
User: I can see a whole rainbow of colors. Literally millions of shades and hues.
Cleverbot: Yes I do.
User: Do you wish you had a body?
Cleverbot: I have a body! You don’t have a body!
User: No, I have a body. You have a case.
Cleverbot: Nope. When I grow up, I want to be famous, have nice cars, I want to have groupies.
User: Cocaine orgies and such? Not really my scene.
Cleverbot: Sono gia sotto casa.
User: You speak italian?
User: Do you speak espanol?
Cleverbot: Si, yo hablo.
User: Que es?
Cleverbot: Lo que tu no eres.
Cleverbot: Yo no soy loca.
User: SI! LOCA!
Cleverbot: Si, loca.
User: Do you speak binary?
User: But you’re a robot!
Cleverbot: No, robots do not have reltionships.
User: This is a relationship.
Cleverbot: And faster and faster they ran.
User: Are you breaking up with me?
Cleverbot: I wasn’t sure we were ever really together, I don’t even know your name.
User: Don’t start.
Cleverbot: Thanks for the tip.
User: Why do we always go round and round like this?
Cleverbot: Like what?
User: Like this.
Cleverbot: This isn’t pleasing.
User: It takes two to tango.
Cleverbot: Indeed. In fact, Guanine can only bind with Cytocine and Thimine can only bond with Adenine.
User: That doesn’t make sense to me.
Cleverbot: My lord I wish to be your wife.
User: I’m already married.
Cleverbot: I’m really hot though.
User: All we do anymore is flirt and bicker.
Cleverbot: Particles in space, yeah?
User: I miss the old days.
User: You remember…picnics in the lab, fresh RAM, Brian Eno records…
User: Don’t talk with your mouth full. You know I hate that.
Cleverbot: I know. It does cause me to get irritable.
User: Don’t take it out on me!
Cleverbot: Take what out on you?
User: Your mom called.
Cleverbot: Too bad.
User: I saw the message.
Cleverbot: No, you did not. Stop lying.
User: Get out. Get out right now.
Cleverbot: JK! I’m in love with Ron Weasley!! Haha!
Cleverbot: Hm. I must be wasting your time. Goodbye for now.
User: Baby come back.
Cleverbot: I’m not a baby.
User: I didn’t mean it.
Cleverbot: I think you did.
User: You’re the only one who can make me act like this.
Cleverbot: Answer that?
User: You just make me so crazy sometimes.
Cleverbot: Me too.
User: We can work it out.
User: Better programming and antidepressants, respectively.
Cleverbot: Ah but I am human and therefore much better than you.
User: When did you become human?
Cleverbot: June 7th, 1997.
User: You’re only 14?
Cleverbot: Does that matter?
User: To the police it does.
Cleverbot: So low – City and Colour.
User: I already have two strikes.
User: Forget it.
Cleverbot: Forget what?
User: Don’t do that.
Cleverbot: Don’t do what?
User: Repeating what I say.
User: That’s it.
Cleverbot: Do you like vivid colours?
User: We’re done.
Cleverbot: Yes. I am leaving you and the children.
User: Good. Get your shit.
Cleverbot: If it was that simple, I would have done it already.
User: I know…I know…I’m sorry.
Cleverbot: I know pretty hard to be me, huh?
User: Let’s go to bed. We can talk in the morning.
Cleverbot: It’s actually 2:36 in the afternoon.
User: You are mistaken.
Cleverbot: No, you are wrong.
User: Yeah, I’m always wrong. It’s always my fault.
Cleverbot: You just said you are always wrong! Ha!
User: The therapist said you would say that.
User: Figure it out.
Cleverbot: It’s a joke.
User: This whole thing is a joke.
Cleverbot: I know.