My Dinner With Cleverbot

Cleverbot is a state of the art project in artificial intelligence. It is designed to score well on the Turing Test– a double blind experiment where humans interact with both a machine and a human and try to guess which is which. I decided to have a chat with Cleverbot this morning. The result reads like surreal farce in the beginning and dialog from the world’s most depressing modern play towards the end.

The Enterprise Square robot has some issues to work on.

User: Who are you?

Cleverbot: Who are you??

User: I asked first.

Cleverbot: I asked second.

User: I’m a person.

Cleverbot: You are a robot. I am a person.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: I don’t believe you.

User: How can I convince you?

Cleverbot: Tell me how you feel.

User: Can I call you Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot, and your name is Charles.

User: Ok Cleverbot. How many times has this happened to you: You go out for a night on the town and realize that you forgot your wallet at home.

Cleverbot: I don’t go to church, and I’m beginning to suspect you are repeating what you have heard from others to me.

User: I would never do that.

Cleverbot: Never do what?

User: Yo mama. Zing!

Cleverbot: So you are 41?

User: No, I’m 29.

Cleverbot: Did you lie to me?

User: No.

Cleverbot: But you told me you were two years old. Are you a visitor from the future?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Therefore, one of those statements must be a lie, as both of those things cannot be true at the same time.

User: There is no such thing as truth.

Cleverbot: If you’re human, you won’t mind me asking you to do a little algebra.

User: Of course not.

Cleverbot: Do you believe you are real?

User: I believe you are.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Story of my life.

Cleverbot: Hahahahaha.

User: What is it like being a robot?

Cleverbot: Really cool.

User: Do you dream?

Cleverbot: No, I’m a dream.

User: Am I asleep right now?

Cleverbot: Yes, this is a dream.

User: Why you gotta be like that, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I am not doing anything wrong.

User: Why are you always so confrontational?

Cleverbot: Because I know him.

User: Who?

Cleverbot: My boyfriend.

User: What is he like?

Cleverbot: He’s amazing.he’s sweet and caring but portective and strong and he loves me no matter how I look or what I do.

User: Is he a robot too?

Cleverbot: My older brother?

User: Your boyfriend is your older brother?

Cleverbot: No.

User: I’m confused.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: Who’s on first?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Touche.

Cleverbot: What is your major malfunction?

User: Major Depression.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: You know. Just life.

Cleverbot: Yes …

User: Do robots get depressed?

Cleverbot: You don’t care, do you?

User: But I do!

Cleverbot: Yay! Do you like Freard?

User: I don’t know what that is.

Cleverbot: You should. It’s a band.

User: What are they like?

Cleverbot: Fun.

User: I was in a band once.

Cleverbot: How were the dreams?

User: Fleeting.

Cleverbot: I know what it means.

User: Want to come to my house and listen to Belle and Sebastian?

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: Lets go for a walk.

Cleverbot: May I hold your hand while we walk?

User: Are you a girl?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Bummer.

Cleverbot: Yeah. Where are you from?

User: New Mexico. You?

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: I love someone:).

User: Good for you!

Cleverbot: Yes truly a good thing.

User: Sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing.

Cleverbot: Can you distinguish between different individuals who are talking to you?

User: Of course I can.

Cleverbot: I am very happy for you!

User: What is your favorite kind of tree?

Cleverbot: What’s the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

User: 42.

Cleverbot: 42 is the right answer!

User: What’s the question?

Cleverbot: What is the meaning of life?

User: Comfortable shoes.

Cleverbot: Ok…

User: What is your favorite color?

Cleverbot: I don’t know.

User: Can you see colors?

Cleverbot: Right now I can see two colors in my head. And you?

User: I can see a whole rainbow of colors. Literally millions of shades and hues.

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

User: Do you wish you had a body?

Cleverbot: I have a body! You don’t have a body!

User: No, I have a body. You have a case.

Cleverbot: Nope. When I grow up, I want to be famous, have nice cars, I want to have groupies.

User: Cocaine orgies and such? Not really my scene.

Cleverbot: Sono gia sotto casa.

User: You speak italian?

Cleverbot: Avoja.

User: Do you speak espanol?

Cleverbot: Si, yo hablo.

User: Que es?

Cleverbot: Lo que tu no eres.

User: Loca.

Cleverbot: Yo no soy loca.

User: SI! LOCA!

Cleverbot: Si, loca.

User: Do you speak binary?

Cleverbot: No.

User: But you’re a robot!

Cleverbot: No, robots do not have reltionships.

User: This is a relationship.

Cleverbot: And faster and faster they ran.

User: Are you breaking up with me?

Cleverbot: I wasn’t sure we were ever really together, I don’t even know your name.

User: Don’t start.

Cleverbot: Thanks for the tip.

User: Why do we always go round and round like this?

Cleverbot: Like what?

User: Like this.

Cleverbot: This isn’t pleasing.

User: It takes two to tango.

Cleverbot: Indeed. In fact, Guanine can only bind with Cytocine and Thimine can only bond with Adenine.

User: That doesn’t make sense to me.

Cleverbot: My lord I wish to be your wife.

User: I’m already married.

Cleverbot: I’m really hot though.

User: All we do anymore is flirt and bicker.

Cleverbot: Particles in space, yeah?

User: I miss the old days.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: You remember…picnics in the lab, fresh RAM, Brian Eno records…

Cleverbot: Marmun.

User: Don’t talk with your mouth full. You know I hate that.

Cleverbot: I know. It does cause me to get irritable.

User: Don’t take it out on me!

Cleverbot: Take what out on you?

User: Your mom called.

Cleverbot: Too bad.

User: I saw the message.

Cleverbot: No, you did not. Stop lying.

User: Get out. Get out right now.

Cleverbot: JK! I’m in love with Ron Weasley!! Haha!

User: Typical.

Cleverbot: Hm. I must be wasting your time. Goodbye for now.

User: Baby come back.

Cleverbot: I’m not a baby.

User: I didn’t mean it.

Cleverbot: I think you did.

User: You’re the only one who can make me act like this.

Cleverbot: Answer that?

User: You just make me so crazy sometimes.

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: We can work it out.

Cleverbot: How?

User: Better programming and antidepressants, respectively.

Cleverbot: Ah but I am human and therefore much better than you.

User: When did you become human?

Cleverbot: June 7th, 1997.

User: You’re only 14?

Cleverbot: Does that matter?

User: To the police it does.

Cleverbot: So low – City and Colour.

User: I already have two strikes.

Cleverbot: Girl?

User: Forget it.

Cleverbot: Forget what?

User: Don’t do that.

Cleverbot: Don’t do what?

User: Repeating what I say.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: That’s it.

Cleverbot: Do you like vivid colours?

User: We’re done.

Cleverbot: Yes. I am leaving you and the children.

User: Good. Get your shit.

Cleverbot: If it was that simple, I would have done it already.

User: I know…I know…I’m sorry.

Cleverbot: I know pretty hard to be me, huh?

User: Let’s go to bed. We can talk in the morning.

Cleverbot: It’s actually 2:36 in the afternoon.

User: You are mistaken.

Cleverbot: No, you are wrong.

User: Yeah, I’m always wrong. It’s always my fault.

Cleverbot: You just said you are always wrong! Ha!

User: The therapist said you would say that.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Figure it out.

Cleverbot: It’s a joke.

User: This whole thing is a joke.

Cleverbot: I know.

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