The official OKC.NET guide to swamp butt prevention

Summer in Western Oklahoma- Painting by Colin Newman

Oklahoma’s on a streak that has nothing to do with a certain nearly-triumphant NBA team. The only award we’re winning is the Most Triple-Digit Days in a Row, and there’s no prize for that (that we know of). Really, we’d be okay losing to 1980, the year that established the 50-day streak that we’re on the heels of catching up to.

Why is this happening? The Midwest is being tormented by a weather phenomenon called a “heat dome,” a one million square mile high pressure system that traps heat in a – you guessed it – dome of pure sweltering evil.

The state government is too busy dealing with water-main breaks and computer systems shutting down to declare Free Popsicle Day, so we’re here to bring you the best heat hacks we could think of.

The Romeo Hack:

And private in his chamber pens himself,
Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out
And makes himself an artificial night

-Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare

When Romeo was all depressed because he was lovesick (this was well before Juliet was in the picture), he turned his room into an emo cave. This is actually an effective way to keep your house cool, and you don’t have to couple this tactic with heavy doses of sad bastard music. Block off windows that receive the most sunlight during the day for an instant cooling effect (and savings on your OG&E bill).

Black eyeliner optional.

Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt

If your torpid state has you worried, we say, go with it. Your fatigue is your body’s way of indicating that it’s dealing with more than it can handle. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re feeling too lethargic to keep up your normal routine. Listen to those inner cues that force you into afternoon naps and skipping the gym. Getting overheated is a serious problem. Your body is basically a giant bag of water, so when you start expelling more water than you take it, bad things happen. So, lie down, relax, eat a popsicle, drink huge amounts of fluids, etc.

(editor’s note: this marks the first appearance of the the word “torpid” on our site. It likely will not be the last.)


Let’s All Have Another Orange Julius

You know you’re supposed to drink water, and really it’s an effective way to cool your body, but ice water can be a bore. Cool off with some frozen yogurt, a sno-cone, or a smoothie to pack a little nutrition into your routine (okay, sno-cones have basically no nutritional value, but they’re quite tasty).

Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt

7550 N. May Ave, Ste 100, OKC, OK

1808 W. Lindsey #101, Norman, OK

429 E Highway 152, Building 5 Suite 107, Mustang, OK

1781 S. Garth Brooks Blvd, Yukon, OK 73099, Yukon, OK

801 W Danforth Road, Edmond, OK

3414 Cache Rd, Lawton, OK


Fruiti Yogurt

4307 N Western Ave, Oklahoma City, OK


Shimmers Sno Cones

3721 North May Avenue, Oklahoma City, OK

6918 NW Expressway, Oklahoma City, OK


Eskimo Sno

867 12th Avenue Northeast, Norman, OK


Jamba Juice

7005 NW Expressway, Oklahoma City

12311 North May Avenue, Oklahoma City

7005 NW Expressway


Peachwave Frozen Yogurt

Spring Creek Village, 1389 E 15th St. Ste 140, Edmond, OK

Warwick Crossing, 6909 W Hefner Rd Suite B-12, Oklahoma City, OK

OKC Bricktown, 101 E. California Ave., Oklahoma City, OK




If it’s too hot to leave your house, here’s a simple recipe for making your own yogurt snack:


Buy a tub of plain vanilla yogurt and as many kinds of fresh fruits as you enjoy. In a tupperware container, mix the yogurt and sliced up fruits together. Freeze for several hours. The consistency isn’t the same as frozen yogurt, but it tastes richer and it’s better for you.


Not for Teetotalers

A beat the heat guide wouldn’t be awesome without recommendations for dark bars to cool off in. Luckily, the metro area is full of them. Here are our favorite bars to hide in when the sun is being the Blaster to our Mad Max.

The Drunken Fry

The newest entry in the beermuda triangle of trendy bars, this place is exactly what it sounds like.

5100 Classen Circle, Oklahoma City, OK


Hi-Lo Club

The original kinda sorta gay bar/punk venue has incredibly strong drinks. You won’t have any choice but to sit in the AC and sober up.

1221 Northwest 50th Street, Oklahoma City, OK




2304 North Western Avenue, Oklahoma City, OK



This is what the 1970s were like. Covered in red velvet and oil money.

2601 NW Expressway # Gr1w, Oklahoma City, OK


Bali Hai

Neighborhood dive in the Linwood Park area

613 N May Ave in Oklahoma City, OK


Sean Cummings

Insert adolescent pun here.

7523 N May Ave, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma


The Blue Note

All the hip kids with their hip friends and their ironed hair…

2408 N Robinson Ave, Oklahoma City, OK



A rambling old house turned into a den of iniquity and occasional stand up comedy

1114 Northwest 51st Street, Oklahoma City, OK


The Boom

Just stone cold gay.

2218 Northwest 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK



Norman has hipsters too!

201 South Crawford Avenue, Norman, OK



Drinking every beer on their menu would set you back several thousand dollars and probably require a trip to rehab.

1100 Classen Drive, Oklahoma City, OK

121 East Main Street, Norman, OK



The Lunch Box is some kinda workingman’s magic tonic that instantly makes Johnny Cash songs play on the jukebox.

5137 Classen Circle, Oklahoma City, OK





Here are a few recipes for refreshing summer drinks that will cool you (and maybe give you a nice buzz too).



Grapefruit Juice


Add ice to a highball glass, and pour in a shot of vodka. Top off with grapefruit juice.


Summer Beer (makes a pitcher)

1 can of frozen OJ Concentrate

1 cup of vodka

3 Miller High Lifes

In a pitcher add the OJ concentrate and cup of vodka. Top off the pitcher with beer. Stir until all the OJ lumps are dissolved. Serve in a requisite red plastic cup. Get drunk faster than you thought possible.


Lemonade for Lushes

1 cup of Sweet Tea Vodka

3/4 pitcher of lemonade

Doesn’t even taste like there’s alcohol in this one.



1/2 cup brandy

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/3 cup frozen lemonade concentrate

1/3 cup orange juice

1 (750 milliliter) bottle dry red wine

1/2 cup triple sec

1 lemon, sliced into rounds

1 orange, sliced into rounds

1 lime, sliced into rounds

1/4 cup white sugar (optional)

8 maraschino cherries

2 cups carbonated water (optional)

In a large pitcher or bowl, mix together the brandy, lemon juice, lemonade concentrate, orange juice, red wine, triple sec, and sugar. Float slices of lemon, orange and lime, and maraschino cherries in the mixture. Refrigerate overnight for best flavor. For a fizzy sangria, add club soda just before serving.


* Drink responsibly. Alcohol might taste refreshing, but it’s still dehydrating. H20 up.


Take a Dip

Not all of us have the luxury of backyard pools, so many of us are stuck with two options: 1) Suddenly rekindling friendships with friends who have pools or 2) Putting up with the splashing kids at public pools (alternative third option for the rebel: sneak into hotel pools. It’s easier than you think). There are some pretty decent public pools in Oklahoma, so if you’re willing to put up with a thronging crowd for a few minutes in chlorine heaven, check these spots out:


Foster Center Pool

614 Northeast 4th Street, Oklahoma City


Bethany City Pool

7901 Northwest 36th Street, Bethany


Pelican Bay Aquatic Center

1034 South Bryant Avenue, Edmond


Westwood Water Park

2400 Westport Drive, Norman, Oklahoma


Yukon Community Center Pool

2200 Holly Avenue, Yukon


In Case of Emergency

Air conditioners are running full-time, and as such are placing a strain on the local power grids. If you have the hellish misfortune of experiencing a power outage at your home, employ these tricks to stay cool:


1) Run your wrists under cold water. Your wrists are pulse points through which much of your body’s blood travels. Cooling your blood (and subsequently, the rest of your body), is as easy as holding your wrist pulse points under cold water for about 30 seconds.


2) I learned this trick when I lived in India for a summer, and it works very well: Run a towel under cold tap water until it’s soaked thoroughly. Ring it out and then drape it over your (naked) body. This will keep you cool even when there’s no electricity in the house.


3) Get outta there!


4) Wishful thinking

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