Hey, I know this is awkward, but I feel like we need to sort some things out…
You’re angry. I get that. I would be angry too. Yeah, some of the shit that went down, I’m not proud of. It. We could have been more straightforward, more above board. I know that.
But listen, man. It’s been 3 years. 3 years! She left you, dude. You gotta move on and let us be happy.
You’re great. Your coffee? I love that shit. The Space Needle? Monorails? Puget Sound? You’re a legend. You know that much. We even have a fake monorail and a fake space needle at our state fairgrounds, we were so in awe of you back in the day. You were our hero, seriously. I even really wanted to go up there and be with you once upon a time. But now we’ve got our shit together and we’re ready for a real relationship. It didn’t have to be with your team, that’s just how it shook out. We had our eye on New Orleans for a while, but we couldn’t close the deal. I mean, she had been through some real hard times, it didn’t seem right. Kinda felt like we were taking advantage. That’s when the Sonics caught our eye.
We were able to give your team something that you didn’t: a new arena. That was a deal-breaker for her (and her dad…he’s a hard ass, right?) Still, I don’t feel good about it. I’m really happy, we’re really happy, but from time to time, I see you out of the corner of my twitter feed and I can tell you’re still pissed. I want to be able to put this behind us and get back to the old days of you not having any opinion of us one way or another. I know you’ll find someone else, another team. You deserve it, you really do. You didn’t hear it from me, but SacTown isn’t happy where they’re at…also, our old flames the Hornets are kinda between owners, although I wouldn’t bank on her too much. She’s cute, but unreliable.
Listen, it was shitty how this happened, but it’s over and done. Quit being pissed at us and work on yourself for a while. You still have the Seahawks, right? We would kill to have a team like the Seahawks. Do you know how football crazy this town is? The Huskies know, ask them.
Your banners are on the lawn. Come pick them up whenever.