Ask Holly

this week, we introduce our new relationship advice column “Ask Holly”. “But Colin, relationship advice columns are cheesy!” you say. Yes, but you still read them, so shut up. “But Colin, why don’t you just syndicate Savage Love or some other reputable advice professional?” Because I don’t have any money, and Holly is awesome, so there. She’s like your awesome aunt who takes you to Mexico to get hammered and get a tattoo, but also has wisdom to impart. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.- colin]

Hello everyone!

I thought I would tell you a little about myself so you would be more comfortable telling me about yourselves. I am a wife of 25 years, first in a rocky marriage and now in a happy one.

I was a child development professional for 10 years and am a mother of three, so if you have kiddo questions lets hear ’em. I have lived in Europe and on both the east and west coast of our beautiful country so I am game for travel questions as well.

Lastly on the subject of relationships, I welcome all your questions, but no matter how I answer always follow these three rules:

  • If it gets out of control (i.e money, home repair ) call a professional.
  • If it gets crazy get a licensed therapist
  • If it gets violent GET OUT!
  • can’t wait to hear from you!

    Dear Holly-

    I’m a 30 year old straight girl. I have a boyfriend who’s great but he says he never wants to have kids. I don’t want kids right now either, but I think I would want some someday. Now we’re getting kinda serious and I don’t know if I should stick with him and hope he changes his mind or give him an ultamatum or break up with him or what.

    – Laura, OKC

    Dear Laura,

    First I applaud him for being up front about not wanting children and you for taking that seriously. I have children and they are great, but I don’t necessarily think everyone should have them. I have many friends that have great lives together without children. I wouldn’t break up with him since there is nothing wrong with the relationship. I would spend some time really thinking about what having kids means to you. If you just want something cute to love and spend time with, you can get pets. If you want a child so you can mold a young mind and make the world a better place, there are lots of big sister and mentor-ship programs you can get involved with. All that being said, if you look into your heart and see that your life will not be fulfilled unless you have a baby at some point in your life, you must tell him. The two of you can decide what to do from there.

    Holly:

    My ex girlfriend keeps badmouthing me to her friends; we’ve been broken up a year, she has a new boyfriend, I have a girlfriend. We didn’t even breakup on bad terms, but as soon as I start to get over her and on with my life she started to talk bad about me. My question is why is it that she keeps on talking about me? I haven’t talked to her or seen her in months! Why won’t she just get over it? Please help it is getting really irritating!

    – Mike

    Dear Mike,

    Us chicks are weird. We do stuff that makes no sense a LOT of the time. One of the things we do is talk. We talk to our friends, we talk to our coworkers, we talk to our hairdressers and pretty much anyone else that will listen. It is through talking and talking that we work out our feelings. You said the breakup was friendly and that you have both moved on to new relationships, so she might still have issues with your breakup that you did not know about. She might have unresolved jealousy over your relationship, or she may just want to talk. The thing you didn’t mention is what she is saying about you. Are these things true? If they are, you may want to take a look at your behavior and make some changes. If they are not true, then after a while people will see that she is just trying to make you look bad and they will stop listening. The only thing you can control in this situation is how you deal with it. If what she is saying is true, apologize and move on. If it isn’t, ignore her and move on. You know what, just move on and wait for her to catch up.

    Hey Holly!

    My boyfriend and I have lived together for a while and it’s pretty good, but I can’t stand my boyfriend’s friends. He’s a good guy but now he’s started hanging out with all these druggies and shady types, and I really don’t want them doing drugs in my house. He says I’m being irrational and overreacting. I really like this guy and want it to work out, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. How can I make him see that these guys need to go?

    – Melody

    Dear Melody,

    You can’t, but you *can* tell him what you will and will not put up with in your own home. He has every right to spend time with those people, but bringing that to the house is just not OK. You live there too. Just lay down the rules. If he cannot deal with that, then you two need to take a good hard look at your relationship and possibly a good hard look at the apartment section of the want ads.

    That’s it for this week. Send any questions you need answered on any topic to okc365@gmail.com . I promise not to use your name or email address.

    (c) 2010 Holly Leach All rights reserved.

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